“FAT is Not A Four Letter Word” by Ramona Carmelly

This is an excellent guest post by my friend Ramona. Love her argument!

FAT is not a four letter word.

I applaud anyone’s determination to manage their health and well-being, physical and emotional.  With parents, society, and now schools becoming the fat police, this (paradoxically, counter-productively, ironically) creates an environment in which eating disorders and body dysmorphia thrive.

As someone who has spent all of her adult life on the other end of the scale (pardon the pun), this makes me see red! When I was 13, I was 5’2 and I weighed 137 lbs – my petite mother panicked and dragged me to the doctor, beginning a life-long cycle of diets and weight gain, strict regimented eating or binging, and continual self-denigration. As a result, I have “yoyo”ed between sizes 18-24 for my entire adolescent and adult life. It has taken me 32 years from that day to overcome the damage to my spirit and I am just starting to overcome the damage to my body.

Enough! We have to combat the zeitgeist of fat phobia – the last widely permissible (even lauded) bigotry. The very word, “fat”, has become overloaded with anxiety and negative values. It has taken on hugely disproportional connotations of shame and mortification, and no longer functions as noun or adjective, but rather is used almost as a swear word. With the onslaught of media messages, from reality shows and “helpful” talk shows, the fashion industry to news reports of the latest “studies” on obesity, it is very easy to be caught up in the social frenzy and buy into the myths of fat vilification. Women in particular are bombarded with the message that if we are fat, then we are (or should be) physical, emotional and/or spiritual cripples, and fair game for all sorts of derogatory comments.

I refuse to participate in or perpetuate that mythology. We owe it to ourselves and our sisters and daughters, and yes, also our brothers and sons, to combat the tyranny of our fat phobic society and how it targets and denigrates people based on size. You are beautiful at any size.

Let’s be clear. We do not have a weight problem. We have a weight. They have a problem. Let’s stop letting them dump their problem on us.

In my adulthood I rediscovered my joy of dancing and movement as well the pure unadulterated elation that comes from celebrating your strength, flexibility and endurance. I’ve walked 60-kms in two days (raising $13,500 to combat cancer) and had the blisters and lost toe-nails and sunburns and a cold from walking all day in the rain (because while healthy activity supports the immune system, extreme activity has been shown to suppress it) to prove it.  I’ve biked all around this fantastic hilly city of mine (just take a look at a topographical map of Toronto and you’ll see what that entails). I took Yoga and  Pilates classes, found myself able to contort my body into fantastic shapes and positions, though humorously hindered by bumping up against bits of myself in the process (like the time I had my legs thrown way back behind my head and found myself with a face-full of my own bountiful bosom, unable to breathe). And, after laughing at the strength-training instructor who wanted me to do push ups (Sure, honey. Tell you what. If you can bench press ME, we are on. Otherwise, can I push YOU up?), I discovered that real weight training was a true exercise in both torture and pleasure. Who knew it could be so satisfying to bench-press or leg press or, even, those dreaded PUSH-UPS!

All that physicality finally taught me to love my body as it is.

Full disclosure: I currently wear about a size 24 (well, the labels say everything from 14-26, but i know my measurements so let’s call it that). In the last couple of years I’ve discovered something has shifted in my marriage. My husband, who used to be enthralled by the more usual womanly erogenous zones, is finding my voluptuous belly irresistible! His hands will inevitable stray to and linger on my belly. This paralleled my own (gradual and hard-won) acceptance of that part of my body.

Our unjustly maligned and oft-reviled yet generous and forgiving bellies can be honoured as a source of sensual pleasure, as well as serving so well in all the ways mentioned by Sarah Henderson in her wonderful poem, My Belly: A Poem of Love and Hope.  I just LOVE this. It’s posted in the Poetry section here on Writing for Recovery.

You know, it’s a funny thing I realized on the way to size acceptance. No matter what size we are and whether it’s our ribs or our rolls that are more evident, even swathed in a burqa, our bodies make their unique and wonderful shapes known. It’s not like we really can hide the truth of our body, so why not embrace it instead?

© Ramona Carmelly 2010

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About writingforrecovery

Sarah is a writer and poet who speaks out about issues that make people uncomfortable. Sarah advocates for causes such a sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and mental illness, and often speaks openly about her own experiences. She is determined to abolish the stigma associated with these issues and believes that it starts with people telling their stories, so she started a blog called Writing for Recovery where people can do just that. She is the author of three volumes of poetry and is currently at work on her fourth. She is convinced that there's a novel somewhere in her, and occasionally picks at the chapters so far. View all posts by writingforrecovery

3 responses to ““FAT is Not A Four Letter Word” by Ramona Carmelly

  • ThePowerofMyth

    Okay so I love this post a lot. Its beautifully written and I can feel your passion through your words. However if I had to choose one part of this post that made me want to do a happy dance, it was when you said “We do not have a weight problem. We have a weight. They have a problem. Let’s stop letting them dump their problem on us.” Seriously could not have said it better myself! I wish more people realized this and I wished more people would stop living a life of shame and disgust with their bodies and rather realize how wonderful and amazing our bodies are even if they are thin or fat or in between!

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