The Weight of Her Words: “Crazy Weights (A Game)”

This poem sort of mirrors the manic feel of being caught up in a serious eating disorder, as well as how suddenly things can go wrong.

 

5/3/08

 

Crazy Weights (A Game)

 

Put it on, take it off– the objective: To win

You drop and you rise, then play again

 

When the weight is put on by some hospital staff

And the choice is being made on your behalf

 

It’s agony, torture, you just wait to break out

Through the whole thing you shriek and you pout

 

As soon as you’re gone there’s nothing to lose

Except for the fat that they have infused

 

Time to step up– new here are the rules:

You must cut your food into molecules

 

You must check the scale at least every hour

With every pound lost you will have more power

 

Throw up every calorie over the line

Know where your boundaries are, keep them defined

 

Run, lift, and stretch, come on, keep it up!

Remember the goal here, you’d best not fuck up!

 

But oh no, it’s beginning to complicated

The stakes are becoming elevated

 

Your body’s rebelling and you’re getting sick

You’re starting to hear the game’s timer tick

 

But if you’re going to die, by God, you’ll be thin

Come on now, come on, there’s still time to win

 

Keep working, keep running, they can’t make you stop

They’ll try but they know you’ll run ‘till you drop

 

But in the end when your body gave out

And your family was left to deal with the doubt

 

Could they have done better? Could they have done more?

Were there symptoms or signs they might have ignored?

 

If you were alive then you might feel regret

You might want to say sorry for all the upset

 

But now you will never receive that chance

Because you decided to dance this mad dance

 

In the end was trying to “win” worth the cost?

For it wasn’t just you– everyone lost

 

 

© Sarah Henderson 2008

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About writingforrecovery

Sarah is a writer and poet who speaks out about issues that make people uncomfortable. Sarah advocates for causes such a sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and mental illness, and often speaks openly about her own experiences. She is determined to abolish the stigma associated with these issues and believes that it starts with people telling their stories, so she started a blog called Writing for Recovery where people can do just that. She is the author of three volumes of poetry and is currently at work on her fourth. She is convinced that there's a novel somewhere in her, and occasionally picks at the chapters so far. View all posts by writingforrecovery

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