The Weight of Her Words: “The Keeper”

This poem details the personal relationship I had with my eating disorder- which I suspect was wholly unoriginal, and is something many can identify with.

 

1/26/05

 

The Keeper

 

I can’t seem to run, I can’t seem to hide

From this voice that is constantly screaming inside

 

So loudly roars, so sharply it shouts

It drowns all other aspects of my psyche out

 

There’s nothing but this, the specter in my head

It wants to protect me, but it wants me dead

 

It will stop at nothing to save my inner child

It’s so cognizant but so in denial

 

Tyrannically tranquil, it keeps me intact

It’s made up for everything that I have lacked

 

Distraction, identity, nurturance, choice

Discipline, power, control, and a voice

 

So many needs met in one thing that was mine

It and I slowly became intertwined

 

It grew up with me, my body and mind

It gave me freedom but kept me confined

 

So contradictory, complex and clear

With no concept of health I stay bound up in fear

 

I can’t seem to bear to let go of this friend

But if I don’t, she will be my end

 

 

© Sarah Henderson 2005

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About writingforrecovery

Sarah is a writer and poet who speaks out about issues that make people uncomfortable. Sarah advocates for causes such a sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and mental illness, and often speaks openly about her own experiences. She is determined to abolish the stigma associated with these issues and believes that it starts with people telling their stories, so she started a blog called Writing for Recovery where people can do just that. She is the author of three volumes of poetry and is currently at work on her fourth. She is convinced that there's a novel somewhere in her, and occasionally picks at the chapters so far. View all posts by writingforrecovery

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