The Weight of Her Words: “Falling Awake”

I thought it would be appropriate to end this week’s series with a poem about recovery; about what it feels like to finally let go and venture out into the world without the protection of your eating disorder. At first, it is terrifying, to be sure. But as it gets easier and your world gets bigger, you begin to realize all the things you were missing- or never even noticed.

 

4/15/10

 

Falling Awake

 

Suddenly the world is wide open

I find I’m no longer confined

 

To the tiny hell I had constructed

The walls I’d been hiding behind

 

I’m moving into something unknown

This is so unfamiliar, this light

 

Compared to the darkness I’m used to

I was blind and now I have sight

 

I’m baffled by all of this beauty

The vibrance and movement out here

 

The feelings I’m feeling are frightening

In fact, all I’ve known is fear

 

But now my senses are stirring

With new and intriguing sensations

 

Sometimes if I let myself breathe

I touch in on momentous elation

 

After so long I’m finally here

Though of course, the change came with pain

 

It was worth it to finally find freedom

The losses don’t compare to the gains

 

It’s a little like falling awake

Coming out of a hypnotic sleep

 

There’s a chasm between dying and living

And I’m ready to take the leap

 

 

© Sarah Henderson 2010

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About writingforrecovery

Sarah is a writer and poet who speaks out about issues that make people uncomfortable. Sarah advocates for causes such a sexual assault, domestic violence, child abuse, and mental illness, and often speaks openly about her own experiences. She is determined to abolish the stigma associated with these issues and believes that it starts with people telling their stories, so she started a blog called Writing for Recovery where people can do just that. She is the author of three volumes of poetry and is currently at work on her fourth. She is convinced that there's a novel somewhere in her, and occasionally picks at the chapters so far. View all posts by writingforrecovery

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